“Telling your 3 yr old child to shut the F*@# Up…. is not cool…….Telling a child that PERIOD isn’t cool. In fact it’s called emotional abuse and the bruises don’t go away”.~CC’s opinion
Yes I know Kids can be annoying. They talk back, break things, cry a lot or even have really, really bad tantrums (the list goes on). But so do adults, We have bad days...allll the time, we argue when we get offended, scratch our ex’s car when he cheats, leave our house a wreck, spread rumors etc. The point is that we are all human and the children are Potential adults. We as parents can not put them into the same category of say, an adult on the street whom we dislike or…….whatever!! THEY….. ARE…. NOT adults YET. I’m not saying that I am THE perfect parent but I do realize kids have to be trained to be well spoken, good citizens of the community. So what is a parent saying to a child when they tell the child to “SHUT THE F@*# UP”?.. Whats the excuse?? What could that child have possibly said/done that deserves this type of talk?
First lets explore something called Emotional child Abuse also refered to as psychological child. This type of abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child’s emotional development and sense of self-worth. Emotional abuse includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity. Constant criticizing, belittling, insulting, rejecting and teasing are some of the forms these verbal attacks can take. Emotional abuse also includes failure to provide the psychological nurturing necessary for a child’s psychological growth and development — providing no love, support or guidance according to the National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse. This is the third most frequently reported form of child abuse (after child neglect and physical child abuse). Emotional child abuse is also sometimes termed verbal child abuse or mental injury of a child. Mental Injury Of child??? Yes there is such a thing and here are the side affects:
child rocks, sucks, bites self
- inappropriately aggressive,
- destructive to others
- suffers from sleep, speech disorders
- restricts play activities or experiences
- demonstrates compulsions, obsessions, phobias, hysterical outbursts
- negative statements about self
- shy, passive, compliant
- lags in physical, mental and emotional development
- self-destructive behavior
- highly aggressive
- cruel to others
“Much emotional abuse to children occurs because we parents throw tantrums“~.Megan Bayliss
95% of abusers have been abused as a child themselves according to www.safechild.org. Sometimes they don’t even realize how they are treating their child or A child. Someone has to bring it to the attention of the parent and that’s a tough job. I see emotional abuse the same as I look at physical abuse….WRONG. If you see someone beating their child in the street. What would you do?? Do you physically interfere?? Do you call the police?? Now change the scenario, If you hear someone cursing out a child like they would a 30yr…What DO you do?? It’s a more sensitive situation because you yourself have to say something, you have to put yourself in “the line of fire”. Many would think it silly to call the police.Many would think it’s too far to call ACS. Do we walk away? Do we tag along to get the license number of their car? How often do we remain silent, wishing not to interfere, afraid we will falsely accuse someone. How does fear of the consequences of our intrusion stop us?
There are no simple answers, but the impact of courageous intervention is unmistakable in the following story.
There was a woman sitting at the back of a commercial plane who repeatedly slapped her five year old for crying. The passengers were unavoidably aware of the situation. After about thirty minutes, a lady a few rows forward stood up, turned around and said “If you touch her again, I’ll come and take her away from you.” Everyone broke out into applause and the child was not touched again during the flight.
While this child may have been beaten more severely later because of the embarrassment to her mother, the undeniable fact remains that the child discovered that the world is not silent in the face of her abuse. This example is significant because the universal comment of abused children is “I couldn’t understand why no one said or did anything. I thought grownups just didn’t care.” This child now knows that there are people in the world who do care and who will help her. That, in and of itself, will make it easier for her to ask for help in the future.
“I admit it can be very hard to find the courage to speak up so forthrightly, but each of us must do what we can do to support children, to report what’s done to them”.~ Safe Child Advocate
“The lesson for me was that the unequal balance of power between children and adults is enhanced by the use of adult words. My vocabulary range and intonation is far greater than my son’s and therefore a more potent weapon. I can choose to use my words to heal and help“~Megan Bayliss
Yes we parents are human and we make mistakes. We also have to remember that children are…..children. We have the tools to teach, soothe and heal or to prevent. If we don’t have these tools here are some places that can help. There’s always room for change:
New Mothers Support Group with pediatrician and psychologist 145 henry street – Brooklyn Heights
718 858 4924
This group is moderated by Dr. Silverblatt and Barbara Ciccone, PhD, psychologist and it helps new moms to become parenting experts. Topics are anything from breastfeeding, sleep, the lack of, husbands and mothers-in-law. 6 sessions, $200. Call ahead for reservation as space is limited. (They are pricey but this is my pediatrician… and they have professionals leading the group)
Brooklyn Postpartum Depression Support Group
Parents Of Teens Send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org
List owner: email@example.com
Flatbush Family Network
or go to
one tough job.org an online network of parents
I have noticed few or close to none are in the East New York, Brownsville, Bed-stuy areas…..CC’s kidz plans on changing that.
Remember you don’t need a Ph.D to be a child advocate.
An excellent post for a need-to-be-talked-about-more topic.
If we walked down the street and someone yelled at us we can have them charged with assault; we do we think it is okay to do this to our children behind closed doors? congratulations to you for airing the topic and for being a child advocate. Advocacy is contagious so do keep it up.
Megan from Australia.
Yes I loved your post megan Because you spoke the truth and what really happened, then you took a step back to analyze. We as parents forget that we have to answer to someone else sometimes….our kids.
Excellent post. I cringe when I see this happen in public and I agree we as a society must do better to protect children from any and all abuse especially if we won’t break the cycle. Healthy high-functioning adults improves society for us all.
Maxam, I love your blog and totally agree
This has been a problem for so long and it continues to get worse because the abuse cycle is never broken. Thanks f0r speaking out on the subject. Parents need to know there is a difference between abuse and kind constructive discipline. Oh yes discipline can be kind!! and a child can know that even though he/she has been disciplined they are definately loved.